Someone shit on the floor
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
