was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Four minutes until I can fart!
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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