if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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