We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
