The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
