it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Randomize
