...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
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He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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