is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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