so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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