I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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