I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
