Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
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