Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
