I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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