Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Hippo gnu deer
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
