Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
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he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
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what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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