I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
