some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
My vagina just clenched in fear
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
