I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I came so hard my ears popped.
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