grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
