i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
