so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
