You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
