Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
