what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Randomize
