remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
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I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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