the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
