We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
