just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
