i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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