I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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