So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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