oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
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I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
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