I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
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I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
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Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
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