Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
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Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
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holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
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