More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Randomize
