I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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