i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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