and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
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