I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
It's Friday. Sex?
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
