i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
