hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Randomize
