I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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