I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
