shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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