I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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