i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Randomize
