I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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