Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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