You're so nebulous sometimes
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
