Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
