There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
