I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
