I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i came on her dog
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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