its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
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