Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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