About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Randomize
