if you like me you must not know who I am
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
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