Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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