just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Randomize
