We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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