Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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