Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
