No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
