My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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