She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I think my moral compass just broke
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